a smaller life

things that are good

In the midst of the house madness, we've embarked on our Buy Nothing Month, half as a personal experiment and half as a safeguard in case the home insurance company leaves us hanging. Sam was already attempting to tempt me from the high road on Day 6, telling me that if we didn't get Chick Fil-A waffle fries right that moment that we would regret it on Sunday. When that didn't work, he played dirty and reminded me that after the waffle fries, we could go get Five Guys, but I held on, and I think he's glad I did.

It took one hell of an effort, though. Damn. I swear, they put something addictive and delicious in those waffle fries.

We've set some pretty simple rules: food is okay, if it's for eating at home and isn't self- indulgent snack junk. No eating out or take- out, no going to the movies, no museums that charge an entrance fee, no buying books or waxing or yoga classes. No spur of the moment iTunes song purchases. Pay the bills, obviously, and get gas when we need it, but try to avoid excess driving. Vet trips and medical co- pays are expected and part of regular bills. We both allow ourselves one small indulgence: he has corned beef hash at work on Wednesdays, I get a hoagie at Wawa on Mondays. (That's another place that adds crack to their food, I swear.)

I think that's everything.

It doesn't seem like much- a lot of people live this way all the time- but having that one, $4 luxury a week makes it seem extra- awesome.

And really, there's very little that we miss, oddly enough. Waffle fries, obviously, but my homemade biscuits and gravy this morning was a pretty decent compensation. I'm listening to Ok Go videos instead of buying the new album, and you know, I don't mind at all. Those videos are kick ass.

Other than missing the yoga classes and the waxing, it hasn't really made that much of an impression on me, but ask me again in another 20 days.

In other news, another List Of Good Things.

 

 

Translation to my chickenscratch over at Flickr, as always. Thinking of making this part of my Monday routine. Thoughts?

 

catching up

 

I know, I know. I don't write, I don't call. The truth is, I've been so absolutely wiped out lately- there is so much going on (so much to write about!) and I've been struggling with my health- a bad mix if there ever was one. I take my pills and my shots like a good girl, but only recently have I begun to feel what seems like the beginnings of improvement- and I say that with great reservations, as it's only the last two days or so that really seemed better.

We opened the new studio, Sam and I are playing with the idea of (finally!) demolishing the kitchen, dyeing has stepped up at least two- fold (if not three- fold), my daughter is a full- blown teenager with a boyfriend, I'm still not driving which leaves me feeling a little claustrophobic, and I'm suddenly feeling just how responsible Gryphon and I are to at least nine other people, not to mention our customers and oh, yes, of course- our own families. There doesn't seem like there is too much room in there for me to be sick, which is the way I traditionally approach any sort of physical infirmity- placing it firmly on the back burner with a stern I'm sorry, I just don't have time for this right now.

It turns out, I don't get that option. MS turns out to be a prima donna of sicknesses; if I'm not paying attention to my body's cues, she'll step right up center stage and remind me exactly who is in charge here. We're learning how to live together, and I'm quietly plotting my revenge with my nightly shots and what seems like fistfulls of pills, because no matter what this disease thinks, damnit, I'm the one in charge here. I'm determined to subjugate this in some way, to regain control over my body and my time.

Learning to take a proactive stance on my health- on realigning how I live, focusing on the right fuel and rest and exercise and staying informed and not just blowing this whole thing off as another thing that will go away- that's new, and it eats up more of my resources, too, but I'm learning, and trying. 

In the meantime, I knit- nothing that I can show, all holiday knitting, but it's happening- mittens and shawls and socks, as well as the world's most boring project of all time- a six- foot tube scarf in stockinette for Kiddo with her own handdyed yarn. It's a labor of love, to be sure; God knows I'm not knitting this because it is interesting in any way- but I know she'll adore it. 

So I'm here, intact, although some days it really does feel like "intact" is all I can manage. I have some designs cooking in all that holiday knitting, including a lovely pair of colorwork mittens in both Skinny Bugga and Djinni Sock as part of a collaboration with the ever- lovely Kate of Dragonfly Fibers. I'm focusing on getting well, and working hard, and all the sweet bits in the details of life, the stuff that really matters- the kindnesses of friends, my daughter's smile, my husband's hands, good food, crisp mornings, flannel sheets, cats, reading Sherlock Holmes stories in bed, strong morning runs, apple cider and milkmen and hot coffee.

In the end, that's all that really counts, right? The small moments, they're all we have.

Welcome to Rocktober!

 

  

What an amazing weekend. Sam and I spent Saturday working on the house and yard. There's still so much left to be done, but I feel about eleventy- million times better about the state of things than I did on Friday.

Today was pure relaxation, though: the three of us went to Larriland Farms to pick apples all afternoon. We came home with apples and cider and apple butter and dried corn for the front door, and so many plans!

 

   

    

In honor of plans, and apples, and of course, Rocktober!- here's a good part of my plans for the Empires in my fridge right now: apple crisp, the lazy girls' answer to apple pie.

Disclaimer: my idea of cooking is vague and based mainly around the availability of ingredients and how things smell/ taste. When I say, "use a cup of whateverthisis," I mean, I used about a cup of that, most times.

Sarah's Welcome to Rocktober Apple Crisp

Ingredients:

5- 6 medium/ large apples, peeled, cored, and cut into slices (eighths)
1 cup plain rolled oats
1/2 cup white sugar (I use vanilla sugar)
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup butter, softened (preferably unsalted)
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/4 teaspoon salt

Method:

- Preheat oven to 350°F.
- Combine apples, 1/4 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup softened butter,  the flour, spices, and vanilla. Toss thoroughly in a large mixing bowl and layer evenly in a lightly greased 9 x 12-inch baking pan.
- Combine oatmeal, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup white sugar in a bowl. Mix in the butter. This is your crumble topping; spread this generously over your apples.
- Bake for 30 minutes (or until the apples feel soft). Let this cool for about 5 minutes, then dish it up warm with fresh whipped cream or (even better) vanilla ice cream. It should serve 6- 8 people.

Notes:

Some folks like a shot of lemon juice in the apple mixture, but I save that for my strawberry- rhubarb crumbles. The kind of apples you choose is completely up to you; I love Gala or Empire apples for this, but as long as they’re fresh and local, you’ll win. Head to your local market and grab two pounds or so of whatever looks best.

 

 

for once, I hope a fortune cookie comes true

 

A quietly perfect day; cool Monterey- style weather, dyeing at Gryphon's, a new and completely unexpected album by Shane Koyczan, piles of alpaca roving to dye for SAFF, cheesesteaks for dinner, and the best fortune cookie ever. (Sam and Kiddo had Chinese for dinner.)

   

finished objects

The finished product. Nom nom nom nom nomnomnom.

I'm working on a ton of knitting lately, but nothing as quick to finish as these tomatoes. Thank Whomever I started my holiday knitting early this year. Oh, and crochet! I have about eleventy- billion crocheted washcloths now, and almost feel ready to finally put the edging on my Thorpe hat. That's the Thorpe hat that I haven't yet begun, might I add, in an off skein of Free Range. 

Tomorrow begins with a run, is filled in the middle with more waiting rooms, more tests, more doctors, but it ends with drinks and friends, which makes it all worthwhile.

(PS:  Does anyone get notifications when I reply to their comments? Is that showing up for anyone?)

the importance of ritual

In my oven right now is a tray of the most amazing tomatoes- some from a friend, some from our garden, all local and home- grown. I'm oven drying this bunch, which is a day- long process that makes the entire house smell like heaven. I threw in some garlic for a little while there, too, just to have some roasted garlic on hand. I've spent the whole day just sniffing the air and rubbing my stomach.

Drying tomatoes is a cinch: halve the tomatoes, remove the seeds/ guts (if you want to- this isn't mandatory if you're packing them in oil), lay on a cookie sheet and drizzle lightly with olive oil, salt, pepper, and just a hint of thyme. Put it in the oven for about 6 hours or so at your lowest setting- 125 or thereabouts. I'll be packing mine in oil, so I'll take them out of the oven just a little bit early, while they still have a little juice to them, then I'll quickly dip each tomato in white vinegar, then cover those and some fresh garlic cloves with good olive oil in a mason jar. Voila! Oven- dried tomatoes and tomato- infused oil, for no money and almost no work.

These little things- my weekend cooking expeditions, our Sunday brunches, putting together our shopping lists and planning projects for the next seven days- this is everything that matters. Tonight we will have dinner, do laundry, change our sheets and pretend to seriously consider staying up late to watch Mad Men- it's so good! In the end, we'll DVR the show and watch it tomorrow night, opting for sane, very grown- up 9:30 bedtime, which is full of it's own small routines.

I love our little rituals; they keep me grounded in the here and now, in what we are and how we live. It is easy to be here now when the now that we have created is full of the small pleasures we've placed throughout our day: good clean food, public radio, dedicated knitting time, joint efforts, reliable routines. It absolutely is all in the small things.

in the garden

I've been lax with the blog, certainly, but busy in real life- dreaming about lace patterns, scurrying about to get business regulated (hooray for our demolition permits!), and rhapsodizing over my garden. It did fairly well over our absence- the basil looks a little rough, and the coriander died and dried, which leaves us grindable pods. Which is still pretty okay, and they're very nice to look at. Otherwise, though, the garden is flourishing.

There are loads of tomatoes still waiting to turn red, and cucumbers ready for the eating (we're having some with dinner tonight!), and the summer squash is coming along nicely, too. But it's the peppers that are the real champs- the jalapenos and the thai chilies I planted, expecting absolutely no success. There are so many tiny, perfect little peppers budding!

I'm feeling a bit exhausted- all the Sock Summit madness finally catching up to me, I think- and taking extra good care of myself these next few weeks. Morning runs, good clean food (ugh, the thought of all the fast and truck stop food we ate over that trip makes me feel greasy), 9:30 pm bedtimes. I'm waiting for it to make a difference, but I'm guessing that three or four weeks of stress and abuse don't get fixed in just a few days of careful tending. Oh, well.

Yes, with a spoon.

Thank you, Corrine. I needed that.

in which there is baking

You know that scene in the movie Castaway when Tom Hanks finally succeeds in building a fire? You know the bit I mean- he's standing in front of his bonfire, arms in the air, head tilted skyward, shouting, "I HAVE MADE... FIRE!"

Yeah, I feel something like that right now.

Behold, my Brownies Of Ultimate Triumph.

Most of you are probably mightily unimpressed. Get over it. Who can't make brownies, you're thinking. You must not have been here for The Great Pie Disaster of 2000, or the Crepe Tragedy of 2004, or The Brick Breads of 2002, 2004, and 2009. I can cook- oh, can I cook- but I am deeply Baking Impaired.

I hate being told I can't do something. I also hate failure, which is just like being told I can't do something, especially when I've failed at a thing over and over and over. After a few days of being spoiled with on- hand, homemade goodies (thank you, Corrine!) I've gotten an itch. So tonight, I tried the training wheels of baking: brownies. I tried them in secret, while Sam was playing his video game (and was thus sure NOT to wander into the kitchen) and then baked them in my studio, just to be extrasneaky about it.

They came out looking all right, so I called Sam in to look them over.

He was justly nervous/ doubtful about the brownies.

So was Kiddo. (That's right, that's my baby in the Dropkick Murphys shirt!)

In the end, even Kiddo approved. (Eek, you can see my kitchen- in- the- works!)

Of course, this is the sign of approval that I was really hoping for.

So hooray for baking success! Next up... well. I don't know. What comes after brownies?

a brief update

Gryphon and I went off to the lawyer's this afternoon, to start the process of incorporating ourselves. Exciting! Tonight, Sam, Kiddo and I went out for dinner to celebrate big changes and positive moves.

Tomorrow, I drop Kiddo off at school and I head off to Connecticut for a few days, to see my sisters, my nephew, Teresa and Chion; also to drive to drive out into the country and take pictures. It has been far too long.